26th Nov 2008

I am enraged, worried, helpless and in deep pain. For my country..for Mumbai. I have never had any connection with Mumbai, but that doesn't matter. To see innocent lives taken away so easily, too see India losing its brave soldies and leaders in a flash is agonising. I am seas away from my country and all I can do is just watch the news channels. Even if I would have been in India, I don't know what difference it would have made. I wonder what made these terrorists like they are. Its been 36 hours now since the Mumbai was held hostage, when the humanity was destroyed. As the battle goes on between NSGs and the terrorists, all I can do is to pray to God, for His grace to be with the family of the victims, for peace.. for a better tomorrow. I sleep to awake in the hope of morning sun washing away the demons of 26th Nov.

I should be saying something !!

That's what I always thought whenever someone wished me good luck, and I just smiled back at them saying nothing. This was the scene till I was in 9th grade, I think. Sounds silly..but no one ever told me anything to say. Well you can argue, you observe people around you and learn social behavior. But in my defense, ...I just did not. I was very certain that something nice should be said back, but wasn't sure what it was. It was around the time of my final exams in my 9th grade when one of my father's family friend wished me good luck and I just smiled back, and there was a small pause as if saying...hey kid you got to say something. Then his wife said the same thing, making me more anxious. Later my sister scolded me for the misdemeanor. I asked, "What am I supposed to say". "THANK YOU !! You dumb head", she said. And I was blessed...

Hey bhagwaan..(Ohh..God)

Yes you guessed it right. This story is about how a dream made me realize how futile my life is as a PhD in US and directed me to move to the jungles of Somalia in search of The God 'hululoolu'. No that doesn't sound convincing.
Ok so what this is actually about is a shift in paradigm of peoples' ways of expressing themselves in certain circumstances. I realized it the first time when I was walking with my friend and he suddenly slipped on the ice and blurted out a bunch of exclamations. Now in earlier times if something of this sort ever happened the first words to come out were like 'hey Bhagwan' or 'hey Prabhu' or 'Jesus Christ' or 'oh God' and plenty of other such exclamations. But now the first thing you hear someone blurt out is like 'behan...' or 'ma...' or 'f..' .I don't know if I should conclude anything from this. Are they just cursing God to land them in that trouble or God has taken a completely different and modern form in their imaginations. Or they think that these kind of fu...rs are much more potent than God. Ok I think I should stop because the guy upstairs may be reading this and I am sure he won't be happy about it.

The order in chaos

Tornado warning issued for later in the day...its raining now..you come out of the office to be safe back home ..but the heavens is pelting water like missiles...what to do.. what to do..what the heck...its just water..anyway you didn't have shower today...you take your bike and go nowhere and everywhere...you are drenched ... no idea where you are heading..aah its awesome...you are a kid again..
You ride back to home when you see people playing soccer on a nearby field...you leave your bike and start playing soccer...you are playing when the phone rings...your friend calls you to join him at a bar...the day is getting better and better..
You are sitting at Ashleys enjoying Pilsner Urquell while sitting infront of you is this lovely and lively American/Russian girl talking sugar..and you listen...just listen...
Its past midnight and you return to your apartment...the night has been so great and the weather can't be better...its time to vent out..you pick your bike and go for venturing in the darkness...you are sitting on the bridge over Huron..thinking about something..when you decide to call a friend...
You are listening Ghazals on the lake side near your place with your friend when you see few Americans heading to the nearby pool..your friend and you take your clothes off and jump in the pool...
You are back to your place..its been a long eve..its almost dawn...I got to sleep...

अर्ज़ है....

क्यों झुकी हैं ये पलकें तेरी,
क्यों नहीं कुछ कहते ये लब तेरे,
क्यों करती है हम पर ज़ुल्म इतना,
क्यों नहीं होने देती हमें,
तेरी इस जां पे फना।

Revisiting Indian Cinema

"Kaanton se kheech ke ye aanchal ...tod ke bandhan bandhi paayal..." ...wow...its Wahida Rehman and our one and only Dev Anand saheb on the TV screen in the classic movie "Guide". And I must tell you...I am loving it. I had some faint remembrance of the climax of this movie as I watched it when I was a kid, but had no clue about the rest of the movie. And the same goes for most of the vintage movies. So I resolved to make a good use of the ample time I have this summer to take a dip in the old Indian cinema and this is the 2nd stop in the journey. The 1st being "Jaane bhee do yaaro"..which again was a pretty good movie..not to mention the hilarious mahabharata scene at the end of the movie. Thanks to Shapiro (UMICH Undergraduate library) for buying a huge collection of hindi classics.
The good thing about these old classics is that one really doesn't get bored of watching them. They have a story, the acting is unmatchable, and the songs are meaningful and melodious. So the next few stops in the journey are going to be Om Puri and Naseer bhai's "Aakrosh", Dev saheb's "C.I.D." and "Gambler", mystery and thriller flick "Khamosh", and Guru Dutt saheb's "Pyasa". Let me know if you want to join the trip. This summer is going to be painted with old but evergreen colors.

An amazing experience

There is some celebration going on there...for sure. I hear folk songs; see colorful lights; noise...lots of noise but not chaos, I think. I move slowly, dazed towards the source. I see children running in circles and singing. I see them jumping on one leg and laughing. Aah..that smells like hookaah. I see charpois (small beds to rest) lying outside a big house. Elderly are smoking hookah and taking rest. But the most amazing thing in this wonderful village, at this moment appears to be this house. Looks beautiful; magnificently lighted; ladies singing songs; dholak and ghunghroo can be distinctly heard.
Wow...so many people in the kitchen; so many sweets and they are making more. I try to go inside. "अरे आपको नहीं जाने दिया जायेगा। अभी बहुत रस्म बाकी हैं ( anyone but you can go inside. there are more rituals to go)". I simply obey them. I move on. I see lots of people sitting in a room on floor. They are talking about something. In the middle of the room I see a frail figure lying on a charpoi. As I move close he looks at me. He gives me a fatherly look, full of love and tenderness. He gets up and embraces me. I am speechless, moved. "कितना इंतज़ार किया बेटा तेरा. चल जा थोड़ा गाँव घूम ले (I waited for you so long. Go have a walk in the village)"
I find myself far from the house. But what do we have here ? This is unbelievable, amazingly wonderful. I see huge, colorful animals grazing around, huge birds flying. Totally unperturbed by each-others' presence. Am I in some pre-historic era ? How can such animals and humans live together. More I look at them, harder it is to believe this sight. I ask a bird "How come humans and you co-exist ? How is this possible ? "We all come with a purpose here. And thats the sole thing we should worry about". And I am awed and content with her answer. "Go back to your home" and she shows me a way. I simply obey her, mesmerized, and start walking. At each croos-road I meet someone who shows me the correct path. Everyone seemed to know me. How is that possible ?
I find myself in the same room again. But this time there is an old lady sitting beside him. I go and sit beside her. "मौसा जी की तबियत तो सही रहती है न ( Uncle's health is good.. rite) ?"। "अरे वो तेरे ताऊ हैं। बचपन मैं देखा था तुझे एक बार । उसके बाद आज देख रहे हैं । तुरंत पहचान लिया तुझे बहुत इंतज़ार किया तेरा। (He is your another uncle. Not whom you think him to be. He just saw you once when you were a baby. But still he recognized you today immediately. He waited for you so long) ". My uncle looks at me again. He is crying. I see so much love in those eyes. He puts his head on my chest as tears flow and holds me as I put my arms around him.
Everything is fading away. Whats happening ? I hear some noise. Its different from what I had heard till now. Its dark now...but I see something flashing. I see "Gulati calling" flashing in a corner. I don't feel good about it. But I continue to head in that direction.